


Where the love light gleams

by hidingupatreeorsomething



Series: On the Shore of the Wide World Series [4]
Category: Homeland
Genre: Advent Calendar 2017, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidingupatreeorsomething/pseuds/hidingupatreeorsomething
Summary: Carrie and Franny meet Quinn’s new family – Julia, Johnny, and a new arrival - all thanks to Max’s Christmas wedding! Featuring: Everyone (Almost).Posted for the Advent Calendar on 27 December 2017.This takes place in theOn the Shore of the Wide WorldAU (see Notes if you’ve not read the rest, you’ll still be able to follow along!) We last saw them all inCoda, when Quinn went to meet Carrie in New York, to reveal he was alive and living happily with Julia and Johnny in Philadelphia.This starts later the same year…





	Where the love light gleams

**Author's Note:**

> If you’ve not read the rest of [the fic leading up to this](https://archiveofourown.org/series/840123) (Puts on Mandy Patinkin voice):  
>  **Previously, in On The Shore of the Wide World...**  
>  Quinn survived the 6.12 shooting, Dar got him out of the CIA in secret with a little help from Max, and he’s now living with Julia and Johnny in Philadelphia. There were bumps in the road, but it’s gone OK. He’s a good dad, and after parenting together for a while, he and Julia found themselves falling [head over heels back in love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13012986).  
> Most recently in this timeline, Carrie started to suspect Quinn was still alive, and so, after much heart searching, [he went to see her](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12250818), to tell her he had survived, but had a new life with Johnny and at-that-stage pregnant Julia. Later that year...

_Quinn is lying on the sofa, with baby Katy on his chest. She’s sleeping and he's drifting off himself – he was up with her in the night and is catching up a little._

_Julia comes in from the mailbox and hands him an envelope.  
_

JULIA - Your penfriend's back.

_He takes it. Fuck's sake. Max's writing. What's his obsession with writing letters? Suddenly the slightly clandestine, off-the-digital-grid behaviour that was once the norm for him seems like a ridiculous charade. And last time Max wrote, it was a bombshell. What now?_

QUINN - Could you?

_He hands it back to Julia, only one hand and a sleeping baby making opening the envelope impossible._

JULIA - Sure.

_She sits on a footstool next to the sofa and runs her finger through the flap. Pulls out a rectangle of white card, and a piece of notepaper, folded in two. Hands the notepaper to him._

> Dear Quinn
> 
> Don't worry, no big revelation this time.
> 
> Well - maybe one - I'm getting married. Jeanne and I are finally going to do the deed, between Christmas and New Year – 27th December. Needless to say, I'm the happiest man alive.

_Quinn looks down at the infant sleeping on his chest with a small smile, thinks to himself: "No you're not," reads on._

> It would mean a lot to me if you would come. I know we don't see each other much, but honestly, you're important to me. Not many people understand a huge part of my life, and you're one of them. I'd be so happy to have you there, and to meet your family, if you wanted to bring them.
> 
> Of course, Carrie will also be there, and Franny. So that might affect your decision, and I understand if so. She told me you'd been to see her. That must have taken guts. But I have to say, she seems happier than she has been for a long time, so I figure things went OK. I guess if you do plan to come, I should tell her, so she's prepared.
> 
> I don't want to force you into a complicated day out, but if you feel able to come, it would mean a lot.
> 
> I hope you're well. Carrie said Julia was expecting a baby and I guess she must be here by now - I hope she, and all of you, are thriving.
> 
> Max

_He sighs. Hands the letter back to Julia to read, as she hands him the invitation that was in the envelope. She reads the letter._

JULIA - Well, that's nice.

_He raises an eyebrow._

JULIA - What? You don't wanna go?

_Shakes his head with an air of bafflement._

QUINN - I dunno.

All this ‘normal people’ shit is not really me - taking my family to someone's wedding?

JULIA - Well that's just not true. Daddy. You are Mr Normal these days.

_They both grin. He strokes Katy's head gently._

QUINN - What do you think?

JULIA - I dunno. If you wanna go, I'll come. Would be interesting to meet all these people from your past.

Do you think Carrie would mind if I turn up there with an armful of children? Were you the one that got away for her? I'm still not totally clear what the deal was with you guys.

_He closes his eyes. His mind is shutting down. Still does sometimes when he's emotionally overloaded. Shakes his head._

QUINN - I dunno.

_She knows that look. Strokes his arm gently._

JULIA - Don't worry. You don't need to decide right away. If it stresses you out, we won't go. Only if you want to.

QUINN - Thanks.

\----

_That night, he doesn’t sleep._

_Schedules an extra therapy appointment the next day. Doesn’t want to burden Julia with it, and anyway, she’s so closely bound up in what’s troubling him – the task of reconciling his past life with his current one._

_Kerry, his therapist, has been an integral part of his life ever since he moved to Philadelphia. Back when he first arrived, he’d see her every week, often twice. Partly to appease Julia, partly because he really fucking needed it. Right now, they catch up once a month and if he needs to see her in between, he calls._

_He talks to her more – and more frankly – than he ever thought he’d talk to anyone. She’s been to all the darkest corners of his mind with him, and seems unperturbed by them. Knew the truth about his past from the off - didn't seem much point otherwise. She’s been out to his house after flashbacks that felled him completely, sat by his bed and talked him quietly through the aftermath. She’s sat in her office with him and coaxed him patiently through sessions where his mood, or exhaustion, left him barely able to participate. She’s moved across the room and held him in her arms as he broke down and cried at the sheer injustice of spending the rest of his life coping with the effects of torture. Given him a safe place to admit, several months ago, that he was terrified by the prospect of a new baby, scared he’d have a seizure, drop her, forget where she was, that he’d be a worse option than no father at all._

_They’ve done it all, and it allows him to talk with complete freedom, to voice his thoughts even as they’re still forming in his head._

_Talking with her this time, he realises that his abiding instinct to protect Carrie persists, but now set at odds with his desire to be honest with the world about the happiness of his current life. He sits, as he usually does during their sessions, staring out of the window as he thinks._

QUINN - I just can’t imagine… walking into the room, the wedding, people all over, seeing Carrie, Franny, _and_ having my kids there, and Julia. Like my head would explode. Too much to think about. Two bits of me, both at once. I can’t…

_He shakes his head. Mimes an explosion with his hand._

KERRY - So break it all up. Smaller pieces. Don’t make that moment, walking into the room, the big explosive moment where it all happens. Can you get in touch with Carrie beforehand? Call her, email her, whatever, get that conversation going already before you step into the room? And don’t forget, all eyes won’t be on you. They’re gonna be on Max and Jeanne. You’re just the backdrop.

QUINN - Maybe I just shouldn’t go then, they probably wouldn’t notice.

_There’s a pause._

KERRY - Tell me about Max.

_He sighs._

QUINN - Fuck. What do you wanna know?

KERRY - You’ve known him a long time?

QUINN - Kinda. Hardly noticed him to start with, to be honest.

KERRY - You worked with him?

QUINN - As much as anyone in the CIA works _with_ anyone else. He was there. He did stuff. I treated him like shit, I guess. Thought he was a bit of a joke.

KERRY - What changed?

_He stares out of the window. Thinks._

QUINN - When I… after Berlin – and New York - he had my back. A lot.

KERRY - How so?

_A moment of silence._

_He speaks, but pauses between every sentence, feeling his way gradually through this history that he’s never assembled in his mind before._

QUINN - He came to see me at the VA. I was pretty angry. Really… fucking humilated that he saw me sitting in my chair getting pushed around, people talking to me like I was a fucking idiot because I couldn’t talk properly, all that crap.

But he didn’t. Talk to me like that. He was no different than before, just talked straight, told me everything that was going on in Islamabad, few other places. I just listened, by the end of it I felt like myself again. Didn’t tell him, but I was really fucking glad he came.

Then he came again, walked into my room right when I was having a… _(he takes a deep breath, exhales)…_ having a flashback. Really bad one. On the floor shaking, whole thing. Two nurses sat over me. I look up and there’s Max looking down on me too. Fucking h-humiliated again. But when the nurses left, he wheeled me out the back door, gave me three cigarettes on the bounce, talked while I pulled myself back together. Just being normal again. And didn’t tell Carrie I’d had a flashback. Which meant a lot, at that point. Though I didn’t tell him that, either.

KERRY - And you kept in touch?

QUINN - Not through choice, honestly. When I moved to Carrie’s, he came round. Told me straight what a dick I was being to her. I had a seizure in the bodega up the street, was only because he was there I didn’t get carted straight back to the hospital. Took me home, made me take my medication, turned a blind eye when I chased it down with a beer. Got me into bed, guess he knew I was still feeling rough, he sat on the sofa outside my room for hours, til I fell asleep, make sure I didn’t have another seizure.

_He sits, watches the clouds_

And he got me out.

KERRY - Out?

QUINN - CIA. Someone else got the ball rolling, but… Max did the admin.

_He laughs at the ridiculousness of his crazy spy life requiring admin, Max sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork._

And he kept my secret. Didn’t tell anyone I was alive. Which took a lot, I think.

KERRY - OK, you want my honest advice? Not my “being a sensible therapist advice”?

QUINN - Sure.

KERRY - You fucking owe this guy. Get over yourself and go to his wedding.

_He laughs. This is why he’s stuck with Kerry so long._

QUINN - Yeah. You’re right.

\----

So he writes to Max. Pen and paper, again:

> Hey Max
> 
> You never heard of email? (Yeah, I finally have an email address. But I kinda like getting letters from you, makes me feel like I have a secret admirer. So I’m not telling you what it is).
> 
> Anyway. Congratulations - great news that you’re getting married. Never thought I’d be telling anyone this, but settling down has been the most amazing experience of my life. I’m glad you’re going to get it too.
> 
> And you’re right, it might be a complicated day for me. But you’ve taken good care of me, and I’m grateful, and I’d like to be there. I’ll bring the family too – I’d like you to meet everyone. Don’t tell Carrie we’re coming – I’d like to tell her myself. I’ll get in touch with her.
> 
> Thanks for inviting us
> 
> Quinn

\----

_A couple of days after posting the letter, he texts Carrie. Waits until he has a moment home alone. Picks up his phone. Taps._

Hey. We’re coming to Max’s wedding. That OK? Does Franny know I’m

 _Pauses_.

_Deletes the last four words. Thinks, phone in hand._

I’ve been wondering if Franny

_Deletes. Sighs. Cannot bear the thought of Carrie sitting down with Franny to tell her he’d died._

_Types._

Would it be weird?

_Still not right. Fuck it. Nothing will be right, it’s a difficult question._

_Sends._

_Carrie is at her desk. Having the worst day. One of her clients just had bail refused – totally injust, her blood is still boiling, not least because she fears it might be her fault, lost her cool, shouted at the judge. Has three briefing papers to read and a meeting in an hour. Her phone beeps. Shit. What now?_

_Looks down._

_Quinn._

_Grabs her phone, eyes wide. She hasn’t heard from him since that day in the park, months before. Thumbs it. His message pops up. She reads. Rereads. Stares at it. Puts her phone down. Stares some more._

_She knows right away what he means by weird. Not just them, but Franny._

_Picks up her phone._

Not weird. Lovely. Are all of you coming? I never told Franny

_Deletes the last four words. Thinks._

It’s fine

_Deletes._

After New York I just told Franny you’d gone away. Couldn’t face anything else. So no issues with your resurrection.

_Stares at it for a while, wondering if it hits the right tone. Fuck it, doesn’t have time to overanalyse. Sends._

_Tries to read her reports. Not a hope. Picks her phone up, puts it down. Stands up, pours herself a coffee from the machine sitting on the counter in her office. Her phone beeps. Tries to stop herself running across the room to grab it._

Great. Yes, we’re all coming. Hope that’s OK.

_She breathes. Types._

I’m glad. Be great to meet your guys. Everything OK with the baby?

_She sends. Wonders if she’s trying too hard, asking too much. But he comes right back._

Amazing. Wait…

_She waits. She waits._

_A picture arrives. She taps it._

_Quinn, sitting on a sofa, with a baby on his lap. She looks just like him, green-blue eyes and a mop of dark hair, his hand on her chest, holding her up in a sitting position. Looking incredibly happy. A text message follows._

Katy Quinn-Diaz. Happy to say she takes after me and her brother – pretty quiet. For a baby.

_She zooms in. Smiles. Texts back._

Absolutely beautiful. Congratulations, dad x

Thank you. See you in December.

See you then.

\----

_He prepares with Kerry for weeks.  
_

_Despite her robust advice to get over himself, she helps a lot, they talk through every eventuality he can think of. At her suggestion, he even agrees with Julia a sign he’ll give her – tapping himself three times on the cheek – if everything gets too much, if he needs to get out and take a break._

_And so here he is. In his suit, standing in a corridor with the pram. Christmas decorations right down the hall, a twinkling tree. It’s a huge old building rented out for weddings – get married in one room, party in another. Not what he’d expect Max to go for, but then Jeanne’s probably classy, he thinks. They’ve arrived early, Julia’s taken Johnny off to find the bathroom. He gazes down at Katy’s face, wondering what’s going through her mind as she burbles and smiles, trying not to think too much about the day ahead._

Hey.

_He looks up suddenly - Carrie is at his elbow._

_He’s lost for words for a moment, his mouth opens and closes. Eventually manages…_

QUINN - Hey. Hey, good… good to see you.

_He raises a hand to her shoulder, leans in and they kiss one anothers’ cheeks._

CARRIE - How you doing? You look great.

QUINN - I... good... I…

_Fuck. Why can’t he speak all of a sudden? He wasn’t ready, had known this moment was coming, but was anticipating seeing Carrie across a room full of people, with Julia by his side, is sideswiped to find her suddenly beside him in this quiet corridor._

Julia’s just…

_He points down the corridor, his mind suddenly blank of words. But she recognises the panic in his eyes, makes it easy for him, peers down at the pram._

CARRIE - This must be Katy.

_Quinn looks down at her too. His nerves abate a little as he does - can’t help it, his face splits in a grin, ear to ear._

QUINN - Yeah. Here she is.

_Carrie reaches down, strokes the baby’s cheek gently with her finger._

CARRIE - Hi, Katy.

She is _**beautiful**_ , Quinn.

QUINN - I’m not gonna argue.

_He looks down at the baby._

You wanna come meet Carrie?

_She grins and gurgles._

_Carrie’s awkward for a moment - should she pick the baby up? Suddenly realises she has no idea how Quinn copes - how do you lift a baby with only one working arm? Change a diaper, a onesie?_

_But as she wonders, he folds back the blanket, bows way down low over the pram, right down so his chest is just a couple of inches above Katy, parallel to her. Slides his right arm underneath her and scoops her upwards so they’re chest to chest, stands up, and up she comes, nestled snuggly against him, held firmly in his right arm._

CARRIE – Hey! You’re pretty good!

QUINN - Getting there.

CARRIE - Hey, Katy…

_She places her finger in the baby’s hand._

She is **_so_** like you.

QUINN - Yeah. Helen - my mom - said she was the dead spit of me as a newborn.

_Carrie looks at him, not even trying to hide her amazement at that scenario._

CARRIE - Wow.

QUINN – Yeah. We all had a few tears the day we put Katy in her arms for the first time.

CARRIE - You are... quite the family man.

QUINN - It’s... yeah... it’s kind of all happened.

_Right on cue, Johnny comes rocketing round the corner, runs up to them, bashes into Quinn._

Hey, Johnny, careful, I’m holding the baby. Listen, this is my friend Carrie, I want you to say hello.

_He looks up at her seriously, suddenly on best behaviour._

JOHNNY – Hello, Carrie.

CARRIE - Hi Johnny, nice to meet you.

_They shake hands, she smiles at Quinn. Another one that looks just like him._

_And it's a marvel to her to see him for real, bouncing around like any other child, not just a photograph between the pages of a book, steeped in sadness and loss.  
_

_Julia appears around the corner. Suddenly Quinn feels calm and clear-headed. Thought this moment, introducing Carrie to Julia, would be impossibly difficult, but just the sight of Julia makes him feel like he’s standing on a rock. Solid and safe. He takes a deep breath and exhales. Relaxes a little as he does so._

JULIA - Hi!

QUINN - Carrie, this is Julia – Julia, Carrie.

_Both women smile warmly, they go to shake hands but it spontaneously turns into a hug. They feel like they know each other, like they’ve been standing on opposite sides of the same man for a long time and can finally see each other directly. They embrace with warmth._

JULIA - Carrie, it’s so good to meet you.

CARRIE - And you. You have a beautiful family. This little one is adorable.

JULIA - Thank you. I think we’ll keep her!

QUINN - Where’s Franny?

CARRIE - She’s with Jeanne. She’s a flower girl, they’re sorting out her bouquet, I thought I’d just slip out to the bathroom quickly. Excitement levels have been sky high at our place – I’m a nervous wreck.

JULIA - Oh, I bet.

CARRIE - I should actually probably...

_She points up the corridor._

JULIA - Of course, you get on. We’ll see you later.

CARRIE - See you soon.

_She takes off up the corridor._

_Quinn stands for a moment, saying nothing. Feeling the weight of Katy in his arm, the breath entering and leaving his body, his feet on the floor. A hand placed gently on his arm._

JULIA - You OK?

_He nods._

QUINN - Yeah. Yeah. Can we sit down?

\----

_The ceremony is beautiful, conducted in both English and French, Max and Jeanne so in love and so happy to be celebrating with people from every part of their lives. They all pose for photos – some on the building’s grand stairway, some by the giant Christmas tree, and then make their way into a reception room._

_Julia has gone ahead with the kids, she’d stepped away from the photographs to go feed Katy, ended up taking Johnny with her as he was bored and starting to grumble, so Quinn finds himself stepping into the function room alone, the big moment he’d dreaded, tapping his fingers in his palm to calm himself, ground himself, try and stop his head spinning._

_As he does, he hears from the other side of the room -_

QUINNNNN!

_Franny runs across the room, flings her arms around him. She’s been so busy being flower girl it’s the first time she’s spotted him. He’s stunned, wasn’t even sure she’d remember him, or thought she’d be shy, but she’s so full of energy he nearly loses his balance, grabs a nearby table to steady himself, then sits down on a chair to hug her back, feeling steadier that way, and at her eye level. Carrie starts to follow Franny over._

QUINN - Hey, how are you, Franny?

FRANNY - I missed you.

QUINN - I missed you too.

FRANNY - Are you better?

QUINN - Better?

FRANNY - You went to the doctor after that bad day at my house, with all the men.

QUINN - Yeah. I’m better. Thank you. Are you OK?

_She nods. Carrie arrives with them._

FRANNY - Yeah.

QUINN - You did a great job, flower girl.

FRANNY - I was very important. I was in the wedding.

QUINN - You were, you did really well.

CARRIE - Franny, you know Quinn has a baby now?

_Franny’s eyes grow wide, her mouth drops open_

FRANNY - You have a _baby_?

CARRIE - Franny _loves_ babies.

QUINN - Well then, you should come say hi.

 _Quinn stands, Franny takes his hand, and Carrie follows a couple of steps behind. Watching Quinn and Franny, hand in hand, walk across the room to go meet his baby daughter._ Fucking hell. Life, huh? _She thinks to herself. But for all the time she spent pining, thinking she’d missed the only boat she was ever meant to be on, she just cannot feel sad at the vision of happiness in front of her. Especially given that once she’d thought she’d never, ever see him again._

_She grins, and goes to make sure Franny doesn’t drop the baby on its head._

\----

_A little later._

_Quinn returns from a visit to the bathroom and walks straight into a round of introductions._

_There’s Max and Carrie, chatting to a skinny bald guy who looks a little familiar, and another man he’s never seen before. Max extends his hand towards the skinny guy._

MAX - Quinn, you’ve met my brother Virgil?

QUINN - Oh... Yeah. I think you turned my apartment over once.

_He grins._

VIRGIL - That’s right! You made it easy, you don’t have much stuff.

QUINN - Well, that’s changed…

_He points to Johnny, Julia and Katy, half hidden by a crowd on the other side of the room._

VIRGIL - I’m glad you’re doing OK. We heard…

QUINN – _(Cutting him off, but kindly)_ Yeah. I’m doing fine. Thank you.

_Carrie and Virgil start to chat, as Max introduces Quinn to the other man._

MAX - And do you guys know each other? This is Peter… ah… John _.._ ah…

_Quinn extends a hand._

QUINN - Quinn.

_The other guy reaches out to shake._

MAX - This is Samir -

_Max takes a deep breath, speaks a little more gently._

Fara’s cousin.

QUINN - _Oh_. Oh. H-hi.

MAX - Samir lives in New York, so, we’ve been in touch ever since… we lost Fara.

_Max is suddenly dragged back into conversation with Virgil and Carrie, and there’s a moment, a pause, as Quinn wonders what the fuck to say._

QUINN - I’m… so sorry. About Fara. I mean…

SAMIR - Thank you.

QUINN - What happened to her was...

_He looks round for help, sees the others all laughing together, looking the other way. What the fuck does he say about Fara? How can he possibly say something that does justice to how awful it was, in these polite surroundings?_

_But then he thinks of his own suffering. Thinks of the video, of himself lying totally alone on the floor of the gas chamber. Remembers Max cradling Fara in his arms. Knows exactly what to say._

QUINN – You know, Max was with her. When it happened. She wasn’t alone. He was a good friend to her, and he was there. He held her.

_Samir raises his eyebrows at Quinn, realises..._

SAMIR - You were _there_? That day?

_Fuck._

QUINN - Yeah, I... I...

…tried… I was trying…

_He feels as if a wave has just crashed over his head from behind, stunned him into incoherence. His old ability to compartmentalise is shattered these days, delving back into the worst moments of his past can suddenly overwhelm him, even things he’d dealt with just fine at the time._

_Fuck. His ears are ringing. Collapsing in a panic attack in the middle of Max’s wedding, in front of Fara’s cousin, in front of **everyone** , is the very worst thing that could possibly happen, he thinks. And thinking that makes it worse. He tries to take a deep breath but it feels sharp and tight, he clenches his teeth, can’t remember how to stop this happening, can’t remember anything, tries to breathe again and feels tears almost brimming over his eyes fuck fuck fuck. Cannot make a scene, tries so hard to hold on, loses all track of time, no idea if he’s been standing there for a second or an hour._

_Samir reaches up and very gently places a hand on Quinn’s arm._

SAMIR - Please, I’d like to sit down, will you join me?

_Quinn nods, unable to speak, and Samir guides him gently, unobtrusively, to two chairs close by. They sit._

SAMIR - I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you.

_Quinn nods. Feels better for sitting. Feels better for the unexpected kindness and touch of this thoughtful man._

_Breathes. Feels his head begin to clear. Realises nobody else is even looking over. It was probably just seconds, and silent. He’s OK._

_Breathes._

_Breathes._

QUINN - I.. I didn’t… expect that to happen. I’m sorry.

SAMIR - Don’t apologise.

_Quinn rubs his hand over his face. Starts to feel himself again._

_Breathes._

QUINN - I want to talk to you about F-Fara, but…

SAMIR - You don’t have to. Really.

QUINN - Some shit happened to me on the job, sometimes I just…

_He looks at Samir, realises in an instant that Samir knows exactly what happened to him. Of course he does._

QUINN - You know?

_Samir nods, just a touch._

SAMIR - I’m so sorry. It’s a job no one should have to do. In my opinion.

QUINN - Somebody has to.

SAMIR - But the toll is… tremendous.

QUINN - Yeah.

_The sit for a moment. Quinn feels safe. He tries again._

QUINN - I just wanted to say. Fara was… _(he searches for a word)_ brave. She was _(Fucking hell why isn’t he more articulate? There must be something better than this he can say? But no. All he can think of is…)_ very brave.

SAMIR – Thank you. I think you all are. Very brave. I mean, crazy, completely crazy, but brave.

_They both laugh, tension suddenly dispelled._

SAMIR - It’s meant a lot to know Max, since we lost her.

QUINN - He’s a good guy.

SAMIR - He really is. He told me things about Fara I didn’t know. How much she believed in her work.

QUINN - She did. She was doing what was was right. What she felt was right. That’s why she did it. Why we all do it. Even though it's crazy.

_They sit for a moment. Gaze out at the room. He suddenly feels comforted at the thought. Has had an uneasy relationship in his mind with the CIA ever since he left, but the simple thought that he, and the people standing close to him, had all been doing what they believed in, gives him the satisfaction of a jigsaw piece slotting neatly into place.  
_

_Carrie notices them sat quietly behind her, turns and brings them back into the conversation. They stand, and when Quinn wobbles a little, Samir raises an arm to the small of his back, steadies him for a split second without anybody seeing._

CARRIE – So Quinn, I’ve been telling Virgil how your kids look _exactly_ like you. I mean, did you actually clone them, or what?

_He laughs._

QUINN – Something like that.

VIRGIL - Yeah, you’re a family man now?

QUINN - Pretty much. How about you? Didn’t see much of you these past few years. You been in the field?

VIRGIL - I’ve been in ** _A_** field.

_Quinn looks confused._

VIRGIL - I grow squash.

QUINN - Squash?

VIRGIL - Squash. Got a smallholding, moved to Virginia.

_Max laughs, thinking back to the time he dropped in unannounced on Quinn in Philadelphia, when he'd been working in the garden.  
_

MAX - You guys should definitely talk. Quinn grows flowers.

_Carrie looks at Quinn, astonished._

CARRIE - **_Flowers_**?

_Quinn blushes._

QUINN - Not exactly… I…

_He scowls at Max – that day in the garden, should never have told him what he’d been up to. Max is laughing._

_Carrie looks around. She’s lost._

CARRIE - Okaaay. I think I’m gonna... _(Lifts her glass)._ Anyone else?

QUINN - Fuck me - YES.

_They both head towards the bar._

\----

_And so the afternoon goes. It’s wonderful, joyful, but exhausting for him – so many people, so many conversations, a constant mental dance between bland civilities with strangers and reliving moments of a dark past._

_But the kids are a godsend – fill him with happiness, give him somewhere to retreat to, give everybody something to talk about._

_Franny and Johnny are shy around each other – for about two minutes. Then they’re like little tops, spinning around the place together, running and chasing and hiding and falling over and laughing. When they discover how slippery the dance floor is, they take their shoes off and start taking run-ups, skidding across it in their socks._

_Quinn is sitting on a chair just by the end of the dance floor and they skid into him repeatedly, giggling as he catches them. He’s glad to have something simple to do – no need to talk, just sit and look busy without having to meet anyone new for a while._

_On the other side of the dancefloor, Julia and Carrie are both watching the kids, standing a couple of metres away from each other. They suddenly each notice the other, smile and step closer to talk._

CARRIE - I think they made friends.

JULIA - I think so.

_They smile at each other._

It’s good to finally meet you, Carrie.

CARRIE - Yeah. You too.

_They both pause, wondering how this conversation is going to go._

JULIA - I’ve heard a lot about you.

CARRIE - Yeah?

_She was never sure how much he’d moved on, whether he’d even have mentioned her._

JULIA - Of course. You mean a lot to him.

CARRIE - Oh. Yeah. We... We went through a lot.

_Julia thinks for a moment about Berlin. About Carrie waking Quinn up, causing his stroke. Figures she can’t dwell on that, if Quinn can get past it - which he seems to be - she can too. Thinks instead of the time Carrie spent with him after that. How much patience it must have taken to deal with him when he was doing so badly._

JULIA - I feel like I probably have you to thank that he’s still here. After his stroke. It must have been tough. I think you got him through it.

CARRIE - I dunno. I think I pissed him off as much as I helped him.

JULIA - I have a feeling _anybody_ would have pissed him off at that point. He wasn’t in a good place.

CARRIE - You visited him, didn’t you? At the VA?

JULIA - Just once. He asked me to come. I think he hoped maybe I’d bring Johnny but it was _not_ the place to introduce him to his father for the first time.

CARRIE - God - no. Definitely not. When did you go?

JULIA – August, I think? Little while after you guys got back from Berlin. He was struggling. Trying to take his first steps, still having a lot of seizures, I think.

CARRIE - Yeah. That was a low point. I mean, none of it was great, but I think that was when it really sank in what had happened to him. How he wasn’t gonna just magically get better.

_As far as anyone looking on can tell, they’re both still watching the kids, but in reality they’re both watching Quinn across the room._

JULIA – It’s taken a long time. But when I think back to that, it’s incredible how far he’s come.

CARRIE - He’s doing OK?

JULIA - Yeah. I mean… Things are still tough. Having the baby brought a whole new load of challenges, learning how to do everything with the limitations he has. But he’s getting there. And mentally... he’s so much better. It hasn’t gone away. At _all_. But he has ways of coping, recognises when things are going off the rails and takes care of himself. I don’t think he’ll ever be... _over_ everything that happened to him. But he’s doing pretty well.

_Carrie watches him, playing with the kids. Knows exactly how hard it must have been at times for Julia to be with Quinn, working through everything he was facing. But they’ve made it work so well._

_She feels a genuine surge of love for Julia, of gratitude that Quinn found someone who could help him get to a better place – someone he could **allow** to help him. Suddenly recognises with great clarity, now she sees it in front of her, that she was probably never that person, however much she wanted to be. Incapable of stepping back, of letting him make his own way, work out how to manage himself, as Julia has done._

CARRIE - You’ve helped him so much. I’m really glad he found you. Re-found you.

JULIA - I wish I could take the credit, but I think it’s probably Johnny we have to thank - Quinn wanted so badly to be in his life. I was just the evil genius that used that, forced him to take better care of himself.

_They laugh._

_Across the room, Max sits down next to Quinn._

MAX - How you doing?

QUINN - Good. Beautiful day.

_Johnny crashes into Quinn again, this time Quinn keeps a hold of him for a second._

QUINN - Hey, bud – listen, you guys go play over there for a while, please, I wanna talk to Uncle Max.

_Johnny runs off again, grabbing Franny as he goes and they skid off in the opposite direction._

MAX - I’m glad you came.

QUINN - Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.

MAX - I wasn’t sure - thought it might be the last thing you’d wanna do.

QUINN - Well. You did feature in a few therapy sessions, I’ll admit.

_Max raises his eyebrows._

MAX - You having those sexy dreams about me again?

_They laugh._

QUINN - Oh, I keep those very much to myself.

MAX - No, seriously. I know this _(he nods across at Carrie and Julia, on the other side of the floor)_ must be kinda hard. You and Carrie doing OK?

QUINN - I think so. Yeah. I mean... she hasn’t started crying yet. And I haven’t passed out on the floor. So I think that’s a win.

_He smiles for a moment, then gets serious._

No. I mean – it’s good. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but it’s fine. Which is one less thing to worry about. I have plenty to deal with, without hiding from Carrie for the rest of my life.

_Max reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a piece of paper._

MAX – While I remember - the address you wanted?

QUINN - You got it?

MAX - Yeah. That’s them.

_He hands over the paper._

_Quinn unfolds it, reads, exhales._

QUINN - OK. Thanks.

MAX - You gonna write?

QUINN - Yeah. I think so.

MAX - That’s good. You should. Spending time with Samir was good for me, after… Fara…

_Quinn nods thoughtfully._

QUINN - Thanks, Max.

_Jeanne comes over, leans down to Max._

JEANNE - I’m sorry to interrupt you – Max, Angelique is leaving, will you come say goodbye?

MAX - Of course – ‘scuse me.

QUINN - Sure.

_They leave together. Quinn sits alone for a few moments, staring at the piece of paper in his hands._

_Carrie slides into the seat next to him._

CARRIE - Oh my God, these children.

QUINN - Anyone would think they’d been eating candy off the tree all afternoon, every time they think we’re not looking…

CARRIE - I give it two more minutes until someone’s in tears.

_Quinn stares again at the piece of paper._

CARRIE - You OK? What’s that?

_He hands it to her._

What is it? Berlin?

_He stares at it a little longer, in her hands._

QUINN - Astrid’s parents.

CARRIE - Astrid’s?

QUINN - Wanna write to them. Max got me their address.

CARRIE - Oh. Wow.

QUINN - Not about what happened. Exactly. I don’t know what they know.

I just want them to know how much she’s missed.

_Carrie thinks. Nods._

CARRIE - She really meant a lot to you.

_He nods, gulps hard._

QUINN - Longest relationship I ever had. Apart from Julia, I guess. I mean... I know we weren’t _together_ , exactly. But she was in my life a long time. She always had my back.

_He suddenly sniffs hard - the end of that thought being that **he** didn’t have **hers** , when it really mattered. _

_Oh, the hours he’s spent with Kerry on this. His certainty of his own culpability, Kerry measuring that against his brain injury, impaired judgement, being drugged, beaten, the fact **he** didn’t pull the trigger… fucking hell. But it was still, he felt, his fault._

_Carrie cuts through his thoughts._

CARRIE - Hey. Listen. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Astrid wouldn’t want you sobbing about her at Max’s wedding. Didn’t you guys drink the bar dry in Copenhagen one Christmas? She liked a party.

QUINN - How d’you know that?

CARRIE - She told me. You meant a lot to her too. I was with her… when you were missing. And when we found you.

_His eyebrows shoot up. He didn't know this._

QUINN - She was there? When you... the video...

CARRIE - Yeah. We found you together.

_He nods a little to himself, taking this in. There's always something new to slot into his mental history of his own life. Always throws him a little._

She loved you, Quinn. We should be raising a glass to her, not getting sad.

_He exhales. Nods. A small smile. Raises his glass._

QUINN - Astrid.

CARRIE - Astrid.

_They drink. Both on orange juice – Carrie is sober, and Quinn figured today would be hard enough without getting drunk, had a glass of bubbly to toast the bride and groom and no more._

_Johnny runs up again._

JOHNNY - Dad...

QUINN - Yeah?

JOHNNY - Franny says she knew you when you were a soldier.

QUINN - Ahhh... not exac....

JOHNNY - She says you had a war in her house. With guns.

_He sighs._

QUINN - I was in her house once when there were policemen there... they had guns. It’s...

_Carrie interrupts._

CARRIE - Hey, Johnny, Max said he had some special presents for all the kids, Christmas gifts for you guys - you wanna help me come find them?

JOHNNY - Yasss!

CARRIE - Go get Franny, we’ll find Uncle Max, make him hand them over.

_Quinn mouths ‘Thank you’ at her. Something else to add to the ever-growing list of “stuff to explain to Johnny some day”._

_Carrie smiles, follows Johnny across the room. Quinn takes a few breaths. Stands and looks around for Julia. He’s so tired. He sees her across the room in conversation, she’s already noticed him looking around and is looking his way. He reaches up to his cheek and, subtly, taps it three times. She excuses herself quickly and comes across._

JULIA - You OK?

_He nods._

QUINN - Wanna go outside a minute? I just need... quiet.

JULIA - Sure. Let me check on Katy, I’ll see you out there.

_She goes to check the pram, he slides out of a back door and finds himself on a step overlooking a small garden. Stands enjoying the cool air._

_Julia comes out._

QUINN - She OK?

JULIA - Yeah. Still sleeping. Half a dozen French aunts watching her every move.

_She places a hand on the small of his back._

You OK?

_He rubs his eyes, nods_

QUINN - Yeah. Tired.

JULIA - It’s a long day. We can go any time you need to. Great thing about having a baby, excuse for everything.

QUINN - It’s OK. Just need a minute.

JULIA - I’m glad we came. I talked to Carrie. She’s… not like I thought.

QUINN - What way?

JULIA - I dunno. I really don’t know. I like her, though.

QUINN - You know, I'm just... I’m so proud of you all. Just fucking love being here with you. Everyone seeing you, the kids.

JULIA - You been drinking?!

_She grins. He grins back._

QUINN - Nope. Working on expressing my emotions with Kerry. I’m her life’s work.

JULIA - Well I like it.

_They both laugh._

Here -

_She points to a bench behind them. As they sit, she holds her arms aloft._

C’mere. Rest up a minute.

_He leans over, rests his head on her shoulder._

I’m proud of you too, Johnny Quinn. Peter Quinn. Whoever the fuck you are, I love you very much.

_They laugh. He closes his eyes, his head heavy against her neck. She leans her head on his, holds him, strokes his back, and they sit together in peace, as the snow starts drifting down around them._

_\----_

_Later._

_They’re indoors, finally saying their goodbyes, everyone exhausted – except Katy, who’s now wide awake._

_They’ve said goodbye to everyone except Carrie. Quinn looks around. She’s deep in conversation with Samir, both of them looking intensely into one another’s eyes, laughing, she’s touching his leg lightly, they both look happy and entranced with one another._

_He doesn’t want to interrupt, but Carrie glances up and spots Quinn, holding his coat with the family, near the door. He gives her a small wave. She excuses herself and comes over to see him._

_Quinn grins, nods at Samir._

QUINN - Well, _he’s_ a nice guy.

_She grins back, a little self-conscious, but too happy to be able to hide it._

CARRIE - He _is_. Very nice.

_They both exchange a long look._

QUINN - It’s good to see you, Carrie.

CARRIE - And you. I’m glad you came.

QUINN - Johnny’s already asking when we can come to Brooklyn.

CARRIE - Well, you’re always welcome.

QUINN - Thank you.

CARRIE - It’s… so good to see you... doing so well. I’m happy for you.

_He smiles. Johnny walks up and rests his head against Quinn’s stomach._

QUINN - We should get you home, buddy, you tired?

_He nods._

OK, let’s hit the road.

CARRIE - Oh! I nearly forgot. I have something for you.

QUINN - You do?

_She goes to her bag, come back with a small parcel, wrapped in Christmas paper._

CARRIE – Here.

QUINN – Thank you - should I open it?

CARRIE - Sure.

_He works his thumb under the paper a little, then says to Johnny –_

QUINN – Hey, hold the paper for me, bud.

_Johnny reaches up to help his dad unwrap the gift._

CARRIE It’s… really kind of cheeky of me to wrap it up like a gift. It was yours already.

_Quinn slides it out._

_It’s his copy of Great Expectations._

QUINN - Oh.

CARRIE - I thought you’d like it back.

QUINN - Thank you.

CARRIE – And I… took the liberty of adding to your collection.

_She points to the page that sits slightly open, his collection of photos tucked inside. He puts the book down on a table beside them, pulls the envelope out and places it on top of the book._

CARRIE - I hope you don’t mind.

_He slides the pile out of the envelope, the pictures of Johnny, and of Carrie, all so familiar, still committed to memory after so many nights of staring at them. But this time there’s a new one on top of the pile – it’s a print of the photo he’d texted her, of him and Katy together on the sofa, both smiling the same smile._

_He grins, picks it up and looks intently at it for a moment. Then looks up at Carrie, still smiling._

QUINN – That’s perfect. Thank you.

_He slides it back into the envelope then slides that back into the book._

Thank you.

_They lean in and kiss on the cheek, then hug. Without pulling apart, speak softly into one anothers’ ears -_

QUINN - Happy Christmas, Carrie.

CARRIE - Happy Christmas, Quinn.

_They step apart again. He reaches across and drops the book into Julia’s bag. Takes Johnny by the hand, as Julia turns the pram towards the door. They say a final farewell to the bride and groom, wave one more goodbye to Carrie, and head out into the snow, together._


End file.
